The Courage to Be Disliked:
Influence Without Permission
We often confuse influence with being liked. But if your influence depends on approval, it will never go very far.
True influence is not popularity. It is the ability to move ideas forward with clarity and conviction — even when doing so provokes discomfort or resistan
Influence ≠ Popularity
Influence rests on a simple chain:
- Trust builds respect.
- Respect enables influence.
- Influence moves ideas forward.
Approval is optional. Trust and respect are essential.
Wrestling With Approval
Many leaders, and particularly Latinas in corporate spaces, live with a heightened sensitivity to how they are perceived. When you are both a gender and cultural minority, you learn to scan for reactions — sometimes out of survival. That awareness can sharpen empathy and political skill, but it can also tether you to consensus and approval-seeking.
I know this tension well. On my desk is a small sign: “IDGAS” (if you can’t figure out what this means, contact me). Not because I don’t care — I care deeply about people and impact — but as a reminder not to anchor my worth in what others think of me.
The question is not “Do they like me?” The question is “Am I trusted, respected, and moving what matters forward?”
Cultural Strengths, Cultural Misreadings
Latinas bring invaluable strengths to leadership: empathy, relational focus, inclusion, the instinct to build consensus. These create loyalty and belonging.
Yet, in many corporate contexts, those same traits are too often misinterpreted as weakness, indecision, or lack of authority. What is seen as decisive in a man may be labeled emotional or cavalier in a woman — particularly a woman of color.
This is where discernment becomes essential. Consensus has power: people build what they help create. But consensus is not always leadership. Courage sometimes means moving without unanimous approval.
Cultural Strengths, Cultural Misreadings
Latinas bring invaluable strengths to leadership: empathy, relational focus, inclusion, the instinct to build consensus. These create loyalty and belonging.
Yet, in many corporate contexts, those same traits are too often misinterpreted as weakness, indecision, or lack of authority. What is seen as decisive in a man may be labeled emotional or cavalier in a woman — particularly a woman of color.
This is where discernment becomes essential. Consensus has power: people build what they help create. But consensus is not always leadership. Courage sometimes means moving without unanimous approval.
Anchors of Courageous Influence
Influence without permission isn’t reckless. It is anchored in three practices:
Clarity
Know your values, your vision, and your voice. Repeat them until no one has to guess. Conflict becomes energy for sharpening ideas.
Credibilty
Build reliability by delivering results, speaking plainly, and following through. Respect grows when people know they can count on you.
Discernment
Recognize the moment. Is this a time for consensus, to create ownership? Or is it a time for conviction, to move with courage?
Courage Over Approval
The courage to be disliked is not about dismissing others. It is about prioritizing impact over image. It is the shift from “How can I make everyone comfortable?” to “How can I move what matters forward?”
Influence grows when we stop waiting for permission. And leadership begins the moment we choose to be trusted more than liked.
